9/12/2010

I stop and rethinking what her talking to me yesterday. Yes, that time I feel like I was one of those people in Wuhan that have a full mouth of crap words. I forget that how I hated those people back in I was in Wuhan, and surprisingly, I'm becoming these people? I think that's what I am afraid of from the bottom of my heart. At least the lesson I learned is that the words that sound right to you may not sound right to others. To you, you have different feeling towards others, so talk accordingly based on these feelings. Adjustment must be made when you found out they don't like some words.

don't look back

I don't want to look back to see or to re-live the life that has been lived. Things
happened happened, all we need to do is looking forward and live everyday as a new life.

誓词

“我庄严的要你回答，宣誓是否能使你用真诚的良心承担如下的许诺和保证：你将勇敢的去捍卫真正的科学，将其开拓，为之添彩；既不为厚禄所驱，也不为虚名所赶，只求上帝真理的神辉普照大地，发扬光大。

The things I lost, the things that doesn't belong to me

I realize I have fully capability to destroy myself. Human are fragile, may be I just didn't learn the spirit of let it go or let it be. I am definitely not in the position to say I can transient from all the mundanes on earth. I realize how hard it is to be living by yourself. I wonder, will this situation be better when I meet someone who I can spend my life with? I presume the answer is yes. Then the reason that I likes or loves someone would be I am so lonely that I don't want to be ended up alone. But is that so? Maybe I really don't know.

At some points, we are all alone. We will all die alone. In front of death, everyone will be treated equally. Then, what's the point of getting married? What's the point of loving or being loved? We live independently, we don't live for another. Is it the social obligation to married each other? to love each other? Though that is the foundation of the human society, but logically speaking, you are pretty much on your own most of the time. Of course, you can follow the norms blindly and spent your life accounting on it. Anyway, that's the whole point of human as a group of biological entities. So it is by no harm to live with it. In another point of view, that is logically speaking, you can also not live with it. So anyway, it's all your choice.

So what's my choice then? I don't want to live alone, I want to live with the people I love, the people who love me. The desire of the love for me at this point is stronger than I ever had.

Exam

I am so outrage about the exam I took today. I can barely answer one question in the exam, yet after that, I rethink about the whole exam, then I figure out in fact I can solve all the problem. Ahh, shame on me! That's really embarrass.

记梦

我要记住我的这一个梦：
我可以选择回到过去重新生活，但是我最终选择了留在现在。

Dealing with people

I am kind of feeling frustrating because of people actually misunderstanding me, or in another word, yes, there's no other word, people just misunderstand. And they make fun of me. Oh god, how you feel when you know they are really wrong about something, but they believe they are right? They are not to be blamed, it's not their fault, but it's definitely not my fault either. But it makes me uncomfortable because they or he actually make fun of me like that. Sucks man.