9/12/2010

I stop and rethinking what her talking to me yesterday. Yes, that time I feel like I was one of those people in Wuhan that have a full mouth of crap words. I forget that how I hated those people back in I was in Wuhan, and surprisingly, I'm becoming these people? I think that's what I am afraid of from the bottom of my heart. At least the lesson I learned is that the words that sound right to you may not sound right to others. To you, you have different feeling towards others, so talk accordingly based on these feelings. Adjustment must be made when you found out they don't like some words.

don't look back

I don't want to look back to see or to re-live the life that has been lived. Things
happened happened, all we need to do is looking forward and live everyday as a new life.

誓词

“我庄严的要你回答，宣誓是否能使你用真诚的良心承担如下的许诺和保证：你将勇敢的去捍卫真正的科学，将其开拓，为之添彩；既不为厚禄所驱，也不为虚名所赶，只求上帝真理的神辉普照大地，发扬光大。

The things I lost, the things that doesn't belong to me

I realize I have fully capability to destroy myself. Human are fragile, may be I just didn't learn the spirit of let it go or let it be. I am definitely not in the position to say I can transient from all the mundanes on earth. I realize how hard it is to be living by yourself. I wonder, will this situation be better when I meet someone who I can spend my life with? I presume the answer is yes. Then the reason that I likes or loves someone would be I am so lonely that I don't want to be ended up alone. But is that so? Maybe I really don't know.

At some points, we are all alone. We will all die alone. In front of death, everyone will be treated equally. Then, what's the point of getting married? What's the point of loving or being loved? We live independently, we don't live for another. Is it the social obligation to married each other? to love each other? Though that is the foundation of the human society, but logically speaking, you are pretty much on your own most of the time. Of course, you can follow the norms blindly and spent your life accounting on it. Anyway, that's the whole point of human as a group of biological entities. So it is by no harm to live with it. In another point of view, that is logically speaking, you can also not live with it. So anyway, it's all your choice.

So what's my choice then? I don't want to live alone, I want to live with the people I love, the people who love me. The desire of the love for me at this point is stronger than I ever had.

Exam

I am so outrage about the exam I took today. I can barely answer one question in the exam, yet after that, I rethink about the whole exam, then I figure out in fact I can solve all the problem. Ahh, shame on me! That's really embarrass.

记梦

我要记住我的这一个梦：
我可以选择回到过去重新生活，但是我最终选择了留在现在。

Dealing with people

I am kind of feeling frustrating because of people actually misunderstanding me, or in another word, yes, there's no other word, people just misunderstand. And they make fun of me. Oh god, how you feel when you know they are really wrong about something, but they believe they are right? They are not to be blamed, it's not their fault, but it's definitely not my fault either. But it makes me uncomfortable because they or he actually make fun of me like that. Sucks man.

滚滚长江东逝水

滚滚长江东逝水，浪花淘尽英雄。是非成败转头空。青山依旧在，几度夕阳红。
　　
白发渔樵江渚上，惯看秋月春风。一壶浊酒喜相逢。古今多少事，都付笑谈中。

在网上看了广西近现代史，看后心中想起的词。

Nostalgia

Nostalgia
It’s delicate, but potent…
Teddy told me that in Greek, nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound.
It’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone.
This device… isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine.
It goes backwards, forwards.
It takes us to a place where we ache to go again.
It’s not called the Wheel.
It’s called the Carousel.
It lets us travel the way a child travels.
Around and around and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved.

--------"the wheel" S1,EP 13, Mad men

The Gypsy and Hobo

Hello there, we got a gypsy and a hobo, who are you suppose to be?

Dream

Dream is a special thing. But when I woke up from a dream, I feel strange, yes, strange. Especially when I wake up from all the people I meet and all the things happened in the last semester, I have a feeling that maybe a way to see my life through my dream. Maybe that's what people see when they die, your whole life will be present in front of you, and you watch every little sentimental events go one by one, what's your feeling then, I guess maybe at that time, you don't have any feeling, you just smile as the yesterdays go by, you begin to remember and forget everything, thus you leave the world and heading to another unknown space. Maybe that's why I'm kind of hate dream, and Maybe that's why I'm also cherish my dream.

It never happens, you must move on

The woman told Don, "the only way that keep you from happiness is believing you are alone". I don't know if it's true for Don, but I think it's true for me. Is it because I stay at apt too long or haven't have a chance to talk these days? From Don, I see the helpless in facing the reality and the desire to escape from the mess of work and life. He always try to grasp the inspirations or the feelings, through the heartless conversation, or see himself and his family from the past. He want to escape, but he choose to face it finally. Maybe that's why I like this drama, although we will encounter all kinds of temptations, desperation and crude reality, we deal with them with all our strength from the past, family and ourselves.

Don told Peggy, "it never happen, you need to move on". I sometimes suffer the pain from the past, yes, pain from the past, that kind of pain last forever, that kind of pain swell in the end of the day. But a strong person will bandage his wound, stand up and move forward, Life goes on just like it never happens.